There is a village in Usinsk region, called Mutniy Materik (rus. opaque land). It is remarkable by the fact it was founded by seven Andreys. It was previously called Semandrey – a-lá Komi language. It was renamed into Mutniy Materik after a helipad was constructed, and each time during a helicopter landing the whole village became closed in by dense fog.  Murphy’s Law – they called the village Mutniy Materik.


Why I’m telling all that? That’s why my name is Andrey, too. And I’m an engineering technician too. And there’s been always six of us here, moreover in the same building. Usually, when an Andrey is looked for, the following dialogue takes place:


—  Hi there. Where can I find Andrey?

—  Which one?

—  You really have a lot of them? – the visitor is a kind of trying to jokeJ

— Six ones only in this building (building is four office blocks grouped together).

— Are you fucking mocking at me?

What is really funny, I’m not mocking. Mocking are the guys who sent him here. And told him look for Andrey!

—  Whom exactly are you looking for? – I’m trying to clear up the situation. By the visitor’s face becoming red I conclude the guy is a superior. – You need IT guy, translator, design engineer, electrical superintendent, QC manager or SEHT technician?

— ??? – the body gets extremely amazed. E-e-e-e-e electrical superintendent! – yells the body.

— Andrey Gennadyevich is on the first floor to the left. By the way, there are two Andreys there, too, so don’t be confused. Andrey Gennadyevich is grey-haired. The younger guy is translator. – the body keeps silent and turns pale. Confusion and cognitive dissonance are obvious.

— And who’s the hell are you? – Vocal shimmer is my victory. Let’s fix the result:

— I’m Andrey! IT technician!

The stunned body softly rolls down the first floor.


I can perfectly understand him. When I arrived on site for the first time, our project manager only glanced at my documents and screamed:

—  Damn! Where are you all springing from? – I got afraid that our company is oversupplied with IT guys. But it turned out simpler. – One more Andrey!!!

A year later I understood that my zodiacal duality is nothing. I started to fall into the state of triplication and multiplication of consciousness. If you don’t understand that, imagine a common everyday dialogue, when someone runs in and says:

—  Andrey! Fuck your ears every day! Have you seen Andrey?

—  Well-aaa..He’s just went out, ask the neighbors. Maybe Andrey’s seen him?

—  I’ve asked him already, he said he’d been out of sight for three hours. Ok, I’ll ask Andrey.

—  But if Andrey has not seen him, another Andrey probably has. He’s sitting on the first floor.

—  And if he has not?

—  Well, then ask Andrey.

—  Damn right, bro. I’m a kinda slow in the uptake. Thanks…

—  Wait a sec!

—  What?

—  Andrey! Keep your dick up anyway!!!

—  Jerk!

By the end of the day you go totally nuts…


But someday you come to understanding that when seven Andreys gather, the company will collapse. That’ll be a fucking disaster for everyone, or exodus. And all Andreys will probably escape and organize a company of their own, with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the blackjack. We can undertake a fine thing without it!

Июль 6, 2011 at 10:19 пп автор drHimik
Категория: Дневник @en